(Non-) Fiction

You reach your hands out
Reached out from another dimension
Who knows how far away you are,
But you're still able to touch me

You're made of binary codes
All those zeros and ones,
Ones I can't decipher,
But you are the one that understands me

I'm sitting atop the bullet
Fired from your gun
The velocity breaks the air
And I stumble in your presence

I would've never associated you with
Kindness and considerateness and love
But those are the things innate in you
Which I never realized until now.

The guy I always try to please with my shooting skills on L4D2. Lol. :)

On Sound Waves

Each beat, a defibrillator to the heart,
Pulsating throughout my body to my fingertips
And I feel like I'm drowning in darkness,
Like I'm floating in air in slow time,
As I fall backwards down a cliff
And time and time again, rewinding each moment.
The five-lined staff, extending speedily, like
Fingers reaching out, curling up in my blood veins
Spreading my arms and leaves me dangling,
Like a puppet, like I'm leaping, free,
A brave trapeze artist, no reservation.
I'm rising and falling, like breaths,
Inspired and escaping,
Running on each line,
And stumbling over each note,
Like uncovered treasure, time and time again,
I'm lying on the clef,
Enveloped by time and oncoming sounds,
I'm carried away by sound waves
That leads to places I've never been,
To the same places I've been,
As it travels throughout my whole being.

My song, MTGOF, that I will never tire of listening to,
The one that evokes such ineffable feelings in me.

My Darkness

I clenched my hands tightly
To keep myself from screaming
My finger nails imprinted in my skin
Like the smile upon your face
The harder I press,
The deeper, wider the smile
So I dig even deeper
To find the source of your evil,
Until I see blood, dripping
All over your mouth,
And I smile satisfied.

Hmm, I didn't intend for this to turn out so dark...

Ekphrasis

The sky had been clawed open
Like a ripped canvas, beneath it, the blue
The birds scattered from the trees
Like confetti being blown by the wind
The dark branches in the fading sun
Like ink seeping into the night
There is no end and no beginning
Like a scroll that runs for ten thousand miles
That I write on.

The Ribbon Dancer

When I write, I always find myself
Closing my eyes and seeing a speck of light.
And when I open my eyes, I see before them,
A vision of a ribbon dancer, a figure of
Secretive strength and awe delight.
I touch the tip of my pen to paper,
As she taps her toes on the floor,
The ink flows out as I press to make a mark,
Her ribbon flies to wherever she commands.
Every graceful movement she makes
Like a cursive letter weaved from my pen,
Floating, darting, here and there,
Like some curious nose tasting the air.
And as the rhythms grow untamed and fast,
The crack of her ribbon explodes into colours,
An extension of herself into the outside,
As my writing grows longer and longer
Like vines, leaves and flowers blooming
From the stem until a period is placed at the end.
Her motions are fluid, and all her gestures
And twirling, complicated and tangle-like
But it always ends up coming out clean.
As the performance is nearing its conclusion,
She falls to her knees, still waving the ribbon,
Not in surrender, for she then let her back fall,
Arms open, eyes open, heart open, mind open
As if offering something to the Muses in return
And my pen comes to a stop.

Love, Unexpressed

Was there ever a more difficult topic than love?
My words are a vessel, bringing it to you
There's always a fear of torrid storms
That might cause them to sink and
Never to be found again.
In years transformed into some relic
Undecipherable, unoriginal,
Simply antiqued and water worn,
A scar on the sea floor,
A part of my memory.

I am stuck on my essay.
So I wrote this instead.

The Difference

It's strange how we are all composed
Of the same ingredients, of flesh,
Of blood, of bones, in varying amounts.
But we are such different creatures,
The same tree but different branches,
Growing here and there, reaching.
But you took the crooked path.
So by subtracting all the limbs,
And hair, and nails, and skeleton,
You can see, my dear sister,
What makes you and I different,
Is that whilst I give life,
You bring about darkness,
The unnecessary kind.
And that while I have a heart,
You don't. And that makes you sad,
The almost-pitying kind.
So while we are all human,
I am nothing like you (made me to be),
And never will be.
So go ahead and wrap me in your darkness,
Because I'm unafraid,
And in it, my light will shine brighter.

You can make me feel low, you can degrade me.
But none of that matters, because I know that I will always be a better person than you.

Drought

This is a purposeless poem
Nothing more to say than
What has already been said
The same idea of love
The same hurt of hate
The same empty words.

Melancholia

Sorrow claws at my heart
And I swell up with blood
Waiting to erupt
And every time I think
I am on the mend,
The red seeps through the cloth.
My brown eyes look up
To the sky
Just as blue as it is
But my hands, once in a fist,
The fingers now released,
And I feel the air
Running through them,
And I drift away.

Sonnet for that Girl

I remember the day I observed her
She walked against the strong wind from the South
Her hair flying wildly, such an allure
Intrigue played on the corner of her mouth
As she brushes with grace, hair from her eyes--
Her eyes, mud I would happily sink in.
She is like the moon in the daylight skies,
Her beauty obvious, if you're looking,
Though I must say she's nowhere near perfect.
She'd catch your eye for a second, or more,
Then looks away to escape the dissect
Only to leave your heart racing and soar.
To know and feel what she can do in this
Short time, makes me want to know who she is.

Published on the 29th of October.
This is the sonnet I wish some mysterious guy would write about me... Lol!

Where Do You Exist?

There's something nagging at my core
And I felt its tingling effects throughout
The labyrinthine lines of my being.
I've almost forgotten how you took a quill
And carefully carved into my heart
A curse to cure my missing you.
Your touch, a potent anesthesia,
Makes me forget the delirious pain
I am supposed to feel, which
Has now graced me with its presence
Reminding me of your absence.
The ink, like a poison, spreads like wings
Coursing throughout my entire body
Imprinting its mark on my cells,
A mark blood can't wash away,
And I'm held a permanent hostage.
I'm drinking in the words on the page
Like they came from your hands
The cancerous letters, marching
One after the other, lines and lines
Of seemingly inert words
But I've been infected by their power,
As they reach their hands out
And caught and enveloped me, like air.
I'm kneeling on the ground in the rain
The puddles of God's fallen tears, like ink,
I look upwards, arching my back,
Letting the water wash over me,
Before it hits the ground, turning into ink.
My arms and hands, spread out,
Offering to some unknown deity
Whatever it is It chooses to take,
To have you brought back to me,
To have our fingers reef-knot tangled,
So that we may weather this storm
Together, but I find myself empty.
The darkness eclipses my sight
My pupils grow larger, engulfing light,
Trying to catch every creeping shadow
But everything is melting away,
Weeping sadly for some unknown reason
And I'm drowning in this world.
I'm sinking deeper and deeper
Into my mind, splotches of ink,
Where memories and a distant you reside
And I'm lost in your image.
I scream, but it sounds so far away,
I cradle your words and ate them up
Seeding an ineffable insatiability.
I feel like I've slept for a thousand years
But I awoke in your arms,
Your smile, a sun, shining on and on
And I can't help but smile along,
For some unknown reason,
And I'm so touched, it hurts.

Irrational poem. I need to spill some of my irrationality...
So I don't get too lost in my fantastical world.
Published on the 24th of October, 2010.

Don't Forget to Breathe

My fingertips tap an unknown tune
On the bottom of my half-empty tea cup
The drumming somehow
Leads my thoughts to you.

My hair rises up and down in the wind
Like my chest as I take each step
And I worry that somehow
My secret thought will be unveiled to the world.

Would it not be beautiful
If you received my love
Just by simply breathing air,
The insatiable element in your life?

Published on the 20th of October, 2010.

A Storm's Symphony

Crescendo
Forte, rage
Incessant pounding, strumming
All in unison
The rain marches on
Falling on tympani
The sound vibrations in the air
Like hands and fingertips
Enveloping and touching me
The way air does,
The way air courses through my body
I can feel my soul grow
Like soft, dangerous gray clouds
Like shadows on a sharp note
Like the lines running on and on
My heart beats to the crash of the cymbal
I'm washed by the wave of notes
My body in its command
Aye, I am music's puppet

Change in Season

My eyelids descend like night
When I opened them,
I came to realize that
The once barren trees
On which I hoped for green
Are now once again bare,
For the birds are leaving the trees
The skeleton frame against the gray
Sways to the crunch made by feet
As each foot steps on the once green
Skeletal leaves dried up by the fading sun
The wind, like an automatic broom,
Sweeps up those remains untidily
And the streets are littered
With colours of orange, red, and, yellow.

A Year and Nine Days

I have been yours for a year and nine days
Though there were days when you were absent
Though there were days when we did not love
I am still yours despite those heated cold days
And days made me realize that you were mine
Though reluctant with letting love do its thing
Because of long ago silly days and jealous sadness
Because of the fear of having my wild soul tamed
Your reassuring love over the days, sets me free.

Homesick

Rummaging through my closet
I'm searching for my seven-league boots
Mirroring my struggle to get to you

I'm a bird on the window sill
From the outside looking in
And it's the closest I can be

I'm the winged seed that fell too far from home
I fear that my roots will grasp too firmly to the ground
That I can't go back to the roots of my childhood

I've turned everything associated with you
Into amulets and charms of sorts
So I can be safely guided home.

Published: October 11th, 2010

Your Cruelty

Dear, dear, pass the salt
I want to watch each crystal melt
Into the wounds you've torn open
Me, to the edge you've driven
Should I jump or am I to fall,
It's completely your Highness's call
I have no where to run
For in your hands lies a gun
Loaded with bullets that will not miss
Will death be a bliss?
I'll tell you when the ground and my blood kiss.

Ma vie

She has the promise of life in her eyes.
And with every stride that I take,
For the rest of my life,
Will the soles of my feet wear down the path?
My inability to bend the whirlwind of leaves
Sends me flying along with them,
But what sets me apart is my soul.

Choices

The door is there to come in or to go out
Do you follow the signs or your heart?
We stand here at forked roads,
Pacing the ground, round and round
Do you choose for others or for yourself?
We are bond by invisible strings
One yank there, one tug here,
We can never be out of influence's reach,
But the choice is yours to hold,
Like a little child,
It grows into something,
Like branches of a tree,
There is value in every way,
Every direction.
It's your choice to roll the dice,
But the outcome, you can't control.
All one must do, is muster courage and hope.
But do I have them in my possession?
Even with such bravery, one is still
Exposed to the caprice, taciturn life,
Why do we still choose to love?

Random, random linessss...
Sorta inspired by Firethorn and Galan.

Mythology

My love resides on the sun,
My sorrow resides on the moon,
I'm leaping on the stars to get to you
Careful not to fall into darkness.
I found you on Earth, and
We held hands as we explored this galaxy,
Riding on the asteroid belt,
Sliding down Saturn's rings.
We become shooting stars,
Round and round we go,
Until we tire and rest upon clouds, but
You fall through and back in your slumber.
Whilst I, sitting on Polaris, watched you
As you awake in my love,
I fade into sorrow,
And you remark on your fantastical dream.

This one pieced itself together.
I have no idea what the hell I was writing, haha.
Composition started Sept. 24th, 2010.

I, Toi

I will always remember our first gaze
It wasn't by chance that we happen to
Look upon each other, our sights embrace,
Yet not knowing how our bond will ensue

We sat there still, across from each other
Silences fill the chasm between us
Thinking spoken speech is a great bother,
When it feels like the morning of Christmas

There's something familiar about you
Like you have walked the paths of my memories
Like a painting I've forgotten was there

You are a bright star that I never knew
A picture of love and all its glories
Will 't please you to remain with me, here?

My tribute to Petrarch, whose sonnets I have slighted.
Though my words are not magnificent as his, it is my first. <3 span="span">

Coward

The sunflower drooped its head in sunshine
There is static on the radio
My lips are sewn shut with my own intestines
My blood putting out the flames of Helios

I'm slithering on the ground in toil
Dirt beneath my nails
I lay on my back on moist soil
My weaknesses, can I prevail?

I spread out my arms and fall back
I'm falling like the plates thrown from the roof
I can't make up for all that I lack
And this is my proof.

Dissociated

That last puff of cigarette
No longer has any effect
Doctor, doctor, will you help me?
The smoke just comes in and out
But I don't feel a thing.

Just lie on the table
And remove your clothes
I'm going to insert this knife in you
It may hurt a little.

I don't feel a thing.

Oh my my my,
What darkness and anguish in you,
Spilling out messily everywhere
Let me open your rib cage a little more
Don't hold back, just let it all out
Say, how do you feel?

Better than before.

*

My heart is an anchor
Broken off the chain
Sinking until it hits a surface
And there it shall lie
For centuries to come
In eternal sleep
Beneath the sediments and water

Rolling around in its sleep
Like it's dreaming a nightmare
Rolling until it lands on a water mine

And exploded.

*

It has become that when
Thoughts formulate in my mind
They refuse to leave my body.
As they edge closer to my mouth,
They develop a skill of ineffability.
There they sit on my tongue
But I swallow them by accident
And I become the thoughts I digest
You can never know them.

Composition started on Aug. 30th, 2010

Solitude

I walk alone on the streets
Not knowing anyone
Not wanting to know anyone
And all I have is you
In my memory.
And before I burst into tears
At the thought of you,
(Oh, how I miss you),
A monarch butterfly
Flutters by,
Giving me a little heart
To comfort my solitude.

Cloudy Days

I am chasing clouds like I'm chasing dreams
Refusing to acknowledge that they will disappear
Like a very good magic trick
Leaving me in a confused state.
The clouds, they pity me
And so before they leave,
They cry for me.
I let my dreams wash over me
And they are mine
Until the sun comes out.

Dakon

There's no one else like him
Who feels so deeply
To never go on a whim
But considers everything thoroughly

A kind spirit he has
Though some may label him weak
But an opportunity he will not pass
To avenge the meek

He lost everything
But not his courage
A loyal advisor to the king
Never a ruthless savage

A humble country magician
Who gains respect from everyone
Fulfilled his heart's mission
He truly has won.

My eulogy for one of my most beloved magicians, whose merciful, charitable heart matches no other.

Regenesis

I am a phoenix,
The twin brother of Lazarus,
An earthworm,

Asexual.

I will rise again.

Rage

It's more than a hundred and nine degrees
My blood is evaporating
My brain gasping and pulsating
And for a moment I drifted out of my body.
I'm losing faith in humanity.

The Urge to Cry

Not because I'm sad,
Not because I'm angry,
But the overwhelming
Exasperation,
Release,
At how everything is unraveling,
Is bubbling beneath my being.
I just want to cry.

E On the Fuel Meter

Putt, putt, putt
Stuck in a rut
Give me a coke & rum
Do you have hitchhiker's thumb?

Stuck out in nowhere
This is more than I can bear
Do I dare
To not care?

Hazard lights on the side
Of the road, seeking a ride
The darkening of night,
When will I see a light?

My feet are moving
But I feel like a parked car, proving
That I'm running on something,
Perhaps electricity or automatic wings?

I've lost my transportation
But during my meditation
I discovered a way to keep going:
Every movement is your heart's knowing.
So just ignite that internal engine,
You can do more than you imagine.

For My Love

If you are reading this
You know these are the words
I can't utter with ease
Let alone sung like a bird

But I want you to know
How much I appreciate
You, and no,
Love does not rate

I can only say through poetry
(Because it's what I'm good at)
That my adoration is growing like a sacred tree
So let's just leave it at that

But just one more thing, if I may
Though it's my name, you are the shining ray.

Explosion

I remember when I was young
I had this art program
There was this function
That you could use.
It was a dynamite.
And after all you've drawn
And after all you've made
Just one click,
And it all goes away,
Wipes everything blank.
The way it happened
Is quite spectacular actually.
I wish I had this function
In real life.

Ode to Thunder

It's raining
And it's grey
But the thunder
Acts like sun's rays

And everything
Would seem right,
If not for rain bullets,
Because it's so bright

I can't say enough
Of its magnificence
Or how it tickles
All of my senses.

The Core

What I feel like,
Is the space between
Two repelling magnets,
I just can't get close enough
To you.
And no matter
How hard I try,
I'll be the Waldo
That wasn't drawn in,
No matter how hard
You look, you just can't find me.
I see you across the canyon,
We make gestures to meet,
Only to have you go
East and I go West,
O, fortune's fool.
The distance amnesic,
I see familiarity in you,
As we pass shoulders,
We both look back
At the same time,
But not knowing
How to reach each other,
As the magnetic force
Kicks in again.
A heart's promise made,
I shall venture,
I shall strive,
To Earth's inner core,
And that is where
We shall meet,
And melt into
Each other's arms.

Downtown Toronto After Class

The sky was licking a cherry lollipop
Turning its once blue tongue
Into shades of red, pink, and purple.
The air, the breath of a boa constrictor,
Breathing down my back,
And I wonder if the man who passed me
Was also wrapped in its power.
The ambiance is stiller than usual,
The flies like scabs on once open flesh,
And the only noise I hear
Is the incessant buzzing of air conditioners.
While walking through deserted streets,
A black cat crossed my path,
And I wonder if I'm cursed with bad luck.
I walk upon lifeless sidewalks,
Some blocks drenched in sprinkler water.
There are firefly lights permanently perched
On those familiar, disconnected buildings.
The tower still pokes through,
Like the tall kid that stand at the back
During class photo shoots.
Step after step, I relinquish my eyes
Of their observing duties,
As I open the door to my dwelling.

Will You?

I've ran out of ink to write you my love,
Will you accept it written in blood?
I've lost my empathy,
Will you settle for sympathy?
My beauty is trickling down
Like the water outside a cold bottle of Coke,
Will you still savour my presence?
I lost a bet and traded my soul to Lucifer,
In return for your guaranteed happiness,
Will you still like the person that I am?
I saw you, so happy with another,
And I became the last drop of water,
Falling from the faucet,
Will you pull the plug and
Let me drain down the pipes into the vast unknown?
And if I told you I no longer loved you,
Because I know you'll be better off without me,
Will you hold it against me?
And if I called out your name,
Despite everything that has happened,
Will you still be by my side?
Will you still love wholeheartedly?
Will I still love unquestioningly?
It's in our will.

Dead Cold

I sat beneath the shower head,
Turning the temperature knob
Higher and higher still.
That first splash of hot water
Reminds me that I am human
Reminds me as a flash of memory
Screeches by in front of me.
The hot water now feels warm to me,
As I turn the knob
Incrementally more to the left,
I need the heat, it's a need.
The hotter the water gets,
The lower my capacity to love,
And everything turns ugly,
Friendships become gossip,
Air becomes poison,
Time becomes a dictator,
And the hot water now
Feels dead cold to me,
When will it end?

Fear, Doubt, Resignation & Redemption

I'm wandering aimlessly in a desert
A fear settled in my heart that I'll never get out
I'm going to die without a doubt
I'm holding up a white flag, becoming inert

A question always comes up
What's the point anyway?
If my end shall be today,
Why should I pray and hold up my empty cup?

I'm lying feverishly in the sand
Close my eyes and sent my soul to do the will
But I might as well lay yonder that hill
Taking my last steps on this land.

Step by step, I've achieved peace
Thinking back, I've no regret
All my self-expectations have been met
Except for this, ergo my ambition increased.

No, I've retracted my white flag
For my life, I will not beg
I'm already covered in rags
I'll stand and continue on my two legs

The wind knowingly blew me onto the right path
Or was it all my own doing?
There's a destination I'm going
to, and nothing's going to stop me, even His wrath.

And I don't know how I got there
But I placed my hands on the core of my body
Human fear and doubt I've made a parody
I've got everything I need, hands still there, right here.

S. Holmes

I have often wondered if you could love
Problems of chemical, of life you can solve
But can you ever fathom your heart's desires?
If you could, then I'm calling you a liar.

It's strange, uncommonplace, that I can observe
You through words observed by another one dear
And I'm watching you smile as if I'm there
Glad to know that you can exhale joyous air.

I think if we ever crossed path, this I'd do
Wear my heart on my sleeve, for you to woo
I'm still in such awe at the pages of you
These subliminal sentiments always new.

How extraordinary you really are
Marking a place in my soul and places far
I've never felt such admiration for any
Like how you detect, I love more ardently.

World Glitch

It's like it's suffering from a hiccup!
Everyone hold your breath,
Hold it 'till everything goes away!

Animal Talk

Look, there are those silly humans again
Thinking they have much more to gain
Our nature they have destroy'd
And this earth will fall like Troy
And they will try to do more
To try to save this world they tore
But the damage is done,
What once was, is now gone.

The Moth

What misunderstood creatures
With grotesque features
Never regarded highly like the butterfly
Fly into fires shamefully, to perish and die

Oh, children of darkness, attracted to light
It's a part of them they can't fight,
Sleeping in the shadows of day
Like in unburied coffins they lay

They are fluttering outside my window
Struggling against the barrier, low
and high they search for a hole
For it is their sole goal

And when another night comes
An agent of action each becomes
Do they really induce fear?
No, for I shed them a tear.

Vingt-et-un, XXI

I have collected two decades of sand
Enough to map out what is discovered of my island
And I'm bringing out a new glass
To contain the past that I will amass

There are two crosses on the calendar of my life
But life is still luminous like a bee-hive
To make the most of those X's is what I strive
Into new adventures I dive

And I can't believe how far I've come
Arms open and I welcome
Love, melancholy, experience into my home
A citizen of life, my own person I will become

I feel so fortunate and blessed
But there have been tears and blood, to be confessed
But what am I without those things?
Ergo this girl ardently celebrates them, she sings!

There is excitement, fear, and high anticipation
And to love, to courage, to hope, I seek inspiration.

The Silly Poem

Chords tore
Voice sore
Birds soar
Lions roar
Plump boar
Hunters adore
Evil gore
Never before
Lazy bore
Need more
Ugly war
Rain pour
Open door
Called Lenore
Sick whore
Earth's core
Rolled oar...
Enough galore.

Tied, Knotted, and Tangled

My legs are racing against each other
And I've forgotten where I was
I've mindlessly endured all states of the world
Never connected with my sensations
I'd like to say I am experienced,
But the truth is, it's all a blur in my head,
All the images melt into one another
Like rootless trees collapsing,
Like a wet painting, accidentally vacuumed.

He opened his eyes languidly, curtains in a window,
In them, there are still traces of his dream
I looked into these orbs,
And saw myself and the entire world
This shiny reflection is expressive and ineffable,
Like when one has saw something horrid,
Like when one has encountered something magical,
Like when one is overcome with incandescent joy,
Words are falling like Kamikaze pilots.

Humans have twelve cranial nerves,
Distinct functions each one serves,
All of them in me, lack verve,
All my emotions and thoughts, I conserve
In hopes that they be preserved,
So that my true self, from which I will never swerve
These memories which will save me,

can they be reserved?

Fireworks

We never see in the present
Everything is momentary
So our pupils are enlarged,
Wanting to swallow the light
To capture the sparks of the night,
And it sets our heart aflame
And we emit sighs of awe.

Butterfly Wings

His love is butterfly wings
Fragile, colourful, and soft
They carry me across the sky
To the sweet petals of flowers.

Devilish Charms

Your eyes draw me in like an interesting book,
A ship coming ashore, the anchor tossed into my heart,
My soul you took with just one look,
From you I'd never want to part.

The Modern Justification

Birds sat on bark-less boughs and found nirvana
We spend days searching for the end of the string
Only to find it chewed off, leading nowhere
Time is made up by creating things out of thin air.

It's hard to admit a mistake, for
Pride is written in the genetic program
The rules and strategies are passed on
Like in a relay race, handing off batons.

Excuses, lies, and scapegoats
It's not difficult to hide the truth,
True intentions, and the real plan
It's just emotions that one has to ban.

An eye for an eye is never justified
As long as there are benefits for one,
Money and status, all can turn blind--
Who cares about being kind?

Composed on: June 2nd, 2010

The Poetess

I once met a girl
Not quite unlike myself.
The urge to talk came
When our eyes met.
One word led to the next,
The conversation came easily.
Topics jumped from love to life
From death to mundane things.
Her enthusiasm was greatest
When it came to poetry.
"I wrote my first real word
During one of the darkest times
Of my life, a period of confusion,
Anger and self pity.
I didn't know how to say it,
I didn't know how to release my anguish,
I didn't know anything,
Except those words.
I often thought to myself
How much burden those words must carry.
Oh, I wish I could anesthetize them,
But they would never allow it.
They want to embody all the emotions possible
Like a balloon about to burst.
So in accordance with their wish
It is my duty to inject them with all that I feel
For it is their heart beat
And I must keep them alive."
She was modest about her skills,
Saying she still has more to learn,
About structures, forms, prosody.
We spoke of the past great sensitive anesthetizers
And she revealed to me her admiration,
"Oh, if I could convey the thunder
And lightning's real intent,
If I could write love like Shakespeare,
If I could write out the picture of our era like Eliot,
If I could write of humanity like Frost,
If I could be metaphysically conceited like Donne,
If I could write the beauty of nature like Wordsworth,
If I could write something as grand as Milton's paradise,
If I could write my mark like these
Extraordinary word manipulators and others more,
I would be... free."
She was breathless when she stopped her passionate admiration.
She then closed her eyes and looked up into her mind's own sky,
And smiled quirkily and unpretentiously,
But yet, there was something she was holding back,
Something she was unable to express.
I can understand her love for poetry,
But why is something I'll never get.
Before she left, she gave me a simple answer,
And it all became clear,
"These words saved my life."

Presence

I've never seen you in this light before
All the shadows and creases and scars on your face
Like the markings of an aged book,
Composed of wisdom and weakness
But I still love you, like a collector of antiques

I'm an anchor-less ship floating
Round and round in your head
The currents of your thoughts
Leading me back and forth
To the land of happiness, sadness, and all

I'm in a hot air balloon
Enveloped in intangible clouds.
I am trying to control where I go
But the wind still carries me to someplace unknown.
There are some things you just can't fight against.

I'm treading the ground you've tread
Breathing the same air processed by the tree you planted
We are basked under the same old sun.
These are things I'll never tire of
Simple love endures.

Composition started: May 23rd, 2010

La pluie

The way it rained
Even an umbrella got me drenched
A second bout of rain came,
When the wind came
And shook the pregnant leaves
Like the scattering of arrows in an ambush
They aimed very well
As each drop plops upon my cold skin, warm body
Like bombs they were
Making my clothes a second skin.

They keep falling endlessly
Little fireworks they make as they land
I reached out my hand and caught a family
They rolled around fearfully, trying to escape
Off my skin they ran
Some drops gather and try to bring down my defense
Some drops, isolated, awaiting suicidally
Oh, powerful they are, changing the world
Into a different colour
From indifference to liveliness.

This was what I wished for
This was the day I waited for
I wished for warm rain
And I got it.

Death of Me

The need to please
Will be the death of me.
How can I be my own person,
When I need your permission
To be someone I'm not really?
I tried running,
But never out of your arms' constraint.
There's a constant struggle between
My individualistic and
My conformist self
And I'm torn by anxiety.
When can I start pleasing
Myself?

Animated

You say inanimate things can't love you back,
I beg to differ and say otherwise
When you love something,
It makes you feel alive, more alive
Than you ever were before,
And it doesn't matter whether the thing you love
Is living, real, tangible, or not,
For love animates
And through love, an energy that feeds
Through you, the necessary medium,
Can't it be said that the beloved is given life?

Eulogy for My Vanilla Ice Cream Cone

Goodbye, goodbye, it was the last time I held your hand
I'll never forget the moment, to the ground slowly, you hit
Oh, you didn't utter a sound and there you laid
As I cried out your name and lamented

Some say that you're bad for me, but I didn't care
I'd rather have had thousands of you than none at all
For I am empty without you
Your coldness is held in by a fallible wall
And only over time, can people understand
How irresistible you are
And your sweet core will overcome all

You never minded the way I looked,
Only that I consumed your love whole
And as time went on, the more I craved
Your presence's impact on my head

As I licked my lips, there imprinted, was your last touch of sweetness
And I thought of all the joyous times we've had together
You were there for my every emotion
And as your coldness bleeds away
My sorrows and curses you also take
And I thank you for your dedication and sacrifice

Perhaps it was the most glorious death
Ye, it was all part of the grander plan
So I won't worry,
For tomorrow night, you will re-incarnate.

I accidentally dropped my cone on the ground *cries* and I transformed into a 5-year-old.
Some lines were composed on the way home but Nick mentioned some "euphemisms" that were perhaps not suitable for public viewing so I took some out to keep it PG-13.
MY VANILLA ICE CREAM WAFFLE CONE... T__T

The One-Eyed Cat

It has a resolute face
Though it can only see through one eye
Many gave it remarks of pity and sympathy
The superstitious avoided its seeming ominous aura
But still it walks along the fence
Not caring nor seeing
That side of the world
But lost in its own internal eye,
Never blindingly.
Yes, it almost lost its one life
And eight more to explore
Adventurous it was,
And potential and courage,
It has so much more.

Inspired by the earring-turned-pendant cat that my mother gave me.
Happy birthday my dearest Vampire. <3 br="br">P.S. Published on May the 17th.

Don't Forget About Me

I don't mind being left behind, alienated
Or how work has taken up all my time with you
I don't care how alluring that girl is
Or whether there are thousands competing for your affection
It doesn't matter if you stopped loving me
Or if I'm absent from your life,

I hope you never forget about me
Because when you do, I cease to exist.

Some Surprise

The songbird whistled early morn
But I do not know whence it had come
In my dreams or in a world within reach

He shot an unconventional smile at me
A stranger as such, eliciting giggles and whispers
From people years past

My defense fell like origami birds
When you pulled me close
As we started dancing on the rain-drenched rooftop

Experience

I just want to fall madly in love
And for him to love me back, secretly
Feeding the machine of my happiness

Alas, nothing ever comes easily
And he must drop my heart from atop the tallest tree
And watch it shatter into shards

The broken pieces reflected in his eyes
As he look at me,
Hiding his own cracked heart

Inspired by Becoming Jane

Seeming Peace

I turn and look to my right
The branches waving madly in the wind
And I sat in my room watching in serenity
Yet my insides are in turmoil as such.

Red Candle

The light warms our hearts
And the wax leaks over the edge
Trickling down the sides and freezes
In foreign air

He fires a gun and splatters red
The blood slowly runs cold
As it trails away from the body
Onto the indifferent, hard ground

The Natural Strip

There's no use in therapy
When words can convey falsity
You can't drive away sadness
By bundling yourself up in self-pity
Your self-destructive thoughts
Are played on repeat
Where can you escape to,
But deeper into the darkness
That is your irrationality?

There's something about simplicity
That takes away all complexities
The sky understands my blues
As I walk beneath it,
The wind runs through and rinses my veins
Sieves through and removes impurities,
The sea catches the tears I'll never shed
And carries the worst of my past away

As I walk away from water's edge
I am a new me, I am the old me,
I am the person I always was, but have forgotten,
With a renewed reservoir of potentials,
Aspirations, self-belief, and hope.

Open Book, Closed Book

I opened a book
An open book

I read of heartaches
Angry words
Tear-stained pages
Blood ink
Betrayals and secrets
Darkness and evil
Apathetic souls
Careless stares
Pretentious motives
False hope

I closed the book.
I am a closed book.

Amygdala

It's like
Giving a speech in front an unforgiving crowd
Awaiting eagerly for the results of a test
Watching a disaster unravel before you
Knowing that when the night descends, danger lurks
Hearing the strange noises but never finding the source
Phobias coming true or coming at you...

It's like
Falling in love.

Action!

It's a fantasy we're all willing to live in
It's a lie we're all ready to give in
It's alluring and enticing
It makes us fall into it so easily
And yes, I am a victim
It steals the love from my heart
It steals the rationality from my mind
It conjures up feelings I've never felt
It promotes thoughts I've never dwelt
And no, I can no longer condemn it
As simply entertainment
It wraps me up and eats me whole
This is where acting becomes real.

There's A Wall Between My Mind and Your Mind

My fingers are stiff and still on home row
And all I can hear is my own breathing
I'm thinking of how to express my words
So that you can experience all that I'm feeling
So that you can understand all of me

I type then I press the delete button
All the black lettering swiped and disappear
Over and over again
I can take back whatever I didn't mean to say
But in your presence, I'm simply speechless.

Missing You

I have to constantly lie to myself
That I'll be okay
But the truth is, I'm not
I have to shield my heart away from the ache
That I feel, everytime I think about you.

I told myself that I have to be brave
That I should stand on my own
And make you proud
Oh, how badly I want you to be happy
And well, and all I can do is wish it.

Fear

My heart is racing against the speed of light
It erupts of anxiety like a volcano
And I don't want to face it,
I don't want to face it

I want to remain disconnected
For the fear of change
I don't want to draw a new image
When I can re-visit the one already perfected

I fear that my feelings will not remain the same
The one that I had felt before
Because we are composed of time
And we never remain the same,

Except in our minds.

The Past

There were so many times
When we walked by each other
And I would wonder if you remembered
I so badly wanted to say hi,
I so badly wanted to smile at you,
But I fear I was part of the forgotten
So I shrunk back, shy and silent.

Finally I picked up the courage,
And took a step forward
Into the past
And held out my hand
For you to hold,
So we can travel back in time
Together.

Concentration Gradient

Flow flow flow
Flow toward the emptiness
And fill it up
With all that it lacks

Flow flow flow
Flow with the rage and fire
Focus it on some goal
And it will be reached

Flow flow flow
Flow into the ocean
So that I may find peace
In familiarity

Flow flow flow
Flow at a ferocious speed
Channeling soul in everything I do
So you are immersed in my love

Pendulum

Hypnotic,
As I sway side to side
Listening to delicious words
That came out of that mouth
Of yours
The same one
That uttered profane language
When something doesn't go right
The same one
That opened and asked
For a taste of food that's still cooking
The same one
That sang to me
When I was feeling down
The same one
That confessed to me
Secrets, feelings, and love
The same one
That stamps its mark
On my lips.

Forever hypnotized.

The Weight of Words

I stood in the rain
Watching the water splatter on me
Each drop bouncing off my skin,
Jumping off of my body onto the next surface

I can feel your words
They are invisible,
They are something I can't hold
Yet they penetrate and pierce right through me

Running

Like water spilled over the edge
I'm crashing to the ground

I'm a yolk broken in the hot, dark frying pan
My insides splattered over black and white

I'm tied to the kite
The little girl refuse to let fall

I'm the piece of thread in your shirt
That got caught in some sharp object

I'm a clothe that held too much dye
The colours dispersed in your laundry

Like a pair of old running shoes
I'm loved then discarded.

Nothing

I am in a languid state of mind
Where nothing feels real
Nothing feels fake
I am just a molecule that exists

I feel like the sand in quicksand
Giving in to some unknown force
Sinking and sinking
Ending up in darkness

I am water on a hot summer's day
Evaporated and forgotten
Drifting off to somewhere
Only the earth knows

Madness

There are vultures in the sky
Circling round and round
Finding prey in me

There is a nagging pain in my heart
Like a rose prick that I've swallowed
Lodged at the most fertile place

Your deep voice boomed in the air
Echoing for all eternity
Like the sound ripples from a rifle

There is an itch deep within my soul
Constantly wanting attention
But cannot be relieved

I keep running,
But I keep wounding up at the same place
I keep running,
But I keep wounding up at the same place
I keep running,
But I keep wounding up at the same place

So I stop.

Absent

I watched in silent observation
How your eyebrows are bunched up
As if in concentration,
Trying to solve the answer to life
But you're just thinking
Of materialistic ways to make me happy

I sleep on a tear-stained pillow
Showing signs of memory time travel
I'm not missing the past
I'm just missing you
Where are you really,
In the structure of flesh and bones,
Where is your heart?

End of the World

There is pounding,
The pavement rumbles
There is screeching overhead
The stoic buildings crumble
As the once-blue sky erodes
To frightening colours
Darkness streaks the air
The tattered man who prophesied
All this, scrambled for his life,
Not believing his own words
Yet bragging about the impending doom
The once-stern businessmen
Begins to find humour in this
Insanity, hysteria arises
They are all running
To unknown places
Struggling for an answer,
For a way out
But there isn't.

I lay in your arms
Under the apple tree
I'm dreaming of galaxies
Far away from here
We're jumping from planet to planet
Putting stars in our pockets
As we eke away from existence

I pull back into the present
And I smile at your bravery
There is a twinkle in your eyes
That affirms everything
There is a calm tenderness in our hearts
We acknowledge the truth
Without fear or panic
There is nothing to regret
For we didn't need a catastrophe
To confirm our love,
No realization to be reached
And in this chaotic change
Our love remains still,
In this moment.

Empty

Despite the smiles
Despite the joys
Despite feeling loved
Despite knowing that everything is perfect
And amidst the happiness,

I still feel an emptiness,
That I cannot quite explain
That seems to lurk around the corner
At the corner of my eyes
Casting a melancholic tone

The depth of emptiness
Increasing,
Everyday.
I can't survive on empty love.

And I can't erase the doubts from my heart,
So this time,
I've built myself a pair of paper wings,
Yeah
And jumped off the roof,
While it was raining...