To the East of Eden

I think the world of you
But I wonder if your world
Even has me in it,
So I take a bite
Out of the apple
In your outstretched hand.
I lick the corner of my mouth
While you stare hungrily,
Eyes beckoning me to join you. 
And loving you, is
Taking another step in the dark
Towards the precipice.
Each step has me
Shaking and uncertain,
But the danger, is alluring.

Powerless

I don't know what is with me,
Doting on your everything
And I can't stop myself.
I'm just your puppet
And you taunt me by placing
A pair of scissors in front of me.

And you stuff my mouth with
A wad of your words
Silencing my objections,
I've never felt this kind of powerlessness
It makes me want to die
And I might as well be.

Does it make you happy
To see me struggle thus?
What have I ever done
To deserve this?
What is wrong with me?
Who am I supposed to be?

I don't even feel the pain anymore
Just breathlessness,
A suppression, a numbness,
And if I cried any more
There would be grooves on my cheeks
And it would be flooding over.

It's like screaming and no one can hear you
And I am so alone, so alone
I am going insane, with these two sides of me,
Schizophrenic, paranoid, bipolar,
And I'm so scared the dark side will win
I'm so scared of you, of losing you, of losing myself.

How do you do it? Such masterful skills,
Convincing me, overpowering all of me...
And I nod silently, with tears brimming my eyes,
"Yes, I'm only as good as you say I am."
"I'll do anything," I whispered pathetically,
"If you will just let me stay..."

So if you love me, please
Save me or let me go.

I Don't Love You

I don't love you, I don't love you
My mind numbly chants,
For I have so many reason not to,
But so many to counter them,
So like the blood that returns
After releasing a tight grip
I'm in love with you, still.

I don't know what's wrong with me... lol, with my want of being explicit, yet also being secretive in how I write love.
But the conclusion is obvious, so obvious, it's likely for people to reach the wrong conclusions. ;)  

This is Not a Love Poem

I just want to capture all the words you say,
And eat them when I'm starved for confidence
Because you say them in such a way
That makes me unafraid of being bold.
Every time I want to scream out loud
It's your voice resonating in my mind
And as if you can read the troubles in my brows,
You seem to cradle my face to smooth them out.
Sometimes I suddenly find thoughts of you
And I'm surprised by their presence in my mind,
Dreamily traveling to my fingertips and toes
And I don't really know what I'm feeling.
I'm unfazed by your teasing remarks
As we banter back and forth, a word wrestle,
And I don't mind losing it all to you
Because you bring a certain excitement to the air,
That I find myself craving.
Your gestures exasperate me,
But they also elicit such a happiness,
So I must be going crazy
For you, for me to let you wholeheartedly.
You put a meaning into time
As I sit here breathing it into a smile,
And I'm still at a loss at this unexpected gain
Of something so sublime and so lovely.

Our Skin is the Only Barrier

You turn me onto my back
Sliding up slowly
Running your hands on my legs
Ripple of the sheets
I welcome you with open arms
And suddenly you're there 
I trace the veins along your neck with my tongue
Curling my fingers in the curl of your hair
Your fingertips dance lightly on my lips
The pupils of our eyes drinking each other in
I feel your heart beating in my chest
You hear the laughter at the back of my throat
I see the words stringing together in your mind
You long to cure whatever darkness afflicts my soul
I claw at your back, wanting to be consumed
You sketch out a map on top of my heart
Then grabbed my hands
Interlocked fingers, filling up the gaps in between, 
We're only skins apart.

Yes it's very much been you and me poems lately...

Addicted

I'm stumbling towards a light in the fog
The fog seeps into my brain
The ship crashed into port
I lay among the wreckage
Smiling slightly at my fortune
As blood trickle down my face
I wiped it off and used it to draw
Your name and mine in the wet sand
A map that would lead me to your heart
And just when I thought everything was fine
I tripped and fell into a grave fit for me
And I lie there on the cool ground
Sinking, thinking, and dreaming
And I crawled slowly out of the hole
Towards your light and you open your arms,
A welcoming embrace, the right place
And when I got to you,
A familiar click, and darkness descends
And again, cyclically, I find myself restrained
And I struggled to find you,
And I just can't stay away,
I can't bear to stay away.

Hmm, I don't know why I keep using the drug analogy. Lol.

Drugged

I writhed on the ground,
Tangled in my own struggle,
Moist in my own sweat,
Gulping down dry air,
Drying up my blood.
I withdrew my limbs,
Shrinking my body,
To shrink the pain,
I cannot speak a word,
So I begged with my eyes.
And you gave me
Mercifully,
Another dosage
Of what I greatly desired
Craved so, that I caved
My rationality, and
I collapsed languidly,
Dreamily,
In your potent love.

Twin poem to the previous one.

Presence

I've never seen you in this light before
All the shadows and creases and scars on your face
Like the markings of an aged book,
Composed of wisdom and weakness
But I still love you, like a collector of antiques

I'm an anchor-less ship floating
Round and round in your head
The currents of your thoughts
Leading me back and forth
To the land of happiness, sadness, and all

I'm in a hot air balloon
Enveloped in intangible clouds.
I am trying to control where I go
But the wind still carries me to someplace unknown.
There are some things you just can't fight against.

I'm treading the ground you've tread
Breathing the same air processed by the tree you planted
We are basked under the same old sun.
These are things I'll never tire of
Simple love endures.

Composition started: May 23rd, 2010