Crossed Paths

It only happens in movies

But it somehow happened today,

I saw you walking toward me 

Thinking you another stranger.

Then something happened, 

When we passed one another,

Such confusion, such breathless nostalgia,

My mind trying to fathom

The spectre before me

One that hasn't tread my mind, 

How many ever days ago.

It seemed so theatrical, so scripted,

That time would slow down

A crack in reality,

As tendrils of memories push their way through.

I'm struggling to remember, but it's so foggy,

And I gasp silently, unconsciously, a dramatic timing;

I slowly turned my head, unsure, and looked behind me,

There you were, ten thousand steps away,

Head turned, looking right back at me. 

Spear of Destiny!

I had forgotten that you can eat dog food for health!

Da first boss beat. Woohoo!

Time to fight the Angel of Death!!! :O

I win!

So, apart from Doom, I had this vague inkling that I had played this game before when I was a young'un. And I did! So glad I got it during the steam id sale. *beams* It was really fun to re-play. :) The old-school graphics and gameplay were really nostalgic, almost brought a tear to my eye. *sniffles* Good stuff.

Things I Miss About Toronto...

I was watching a talk show with my parents this morning and it inspired me to do this post. They were talking about what ambiance, food, drinks they like at cafes, and it made me miss Second Cup. So I thought I'd put together a list of things I missed about Toronto, so I don't forget, and maybe one day when I go back, I can revisit them.

Background:
I've lived in Toronto for five years (four of those in the heart of the downtown area... I spent my first year at the Mississauga campus). Although I hated it (mainly because of the extreme weather and some crappy experiences), I still had some good times living there. It's where I sort of grew up as an individual (emphasis on "sort of," haha). What I loved most about living in such a big city is learning the knowledge of its streets and becoming familiar with particular spots that I enjoyed going. It made me feel like the city is mine.
Anyway, get on with it!
*Warning: a lot of food-related things and restaurants will be mentioned.

1. I miss being able to walk everywhere
2. I miss the creepy, smelly subway (mainly because I actually learned how to take it, lol, and it helped me with my NSEW bearings)
3. I miss Harbourfront (and taking the University St. down) and its diamond waters
4. I miss Second Cup's London Fog, ginger snap cookies (I miss the one particularly on College St.)
5. I miss the Starbucks on the corner of St. George and College
6. I miss the Tim Hortons on the corner of College and Spadina -- a large French Vanilla, hot chocolate, Iced Capp, honey-glazed donut please!
7. I miss the Burger King on the corner of College and Spadina
8. I miss the little convenience store called College Variety on College with the nice Korean store keepers
9. I miss the laundromat, Konnichiwa Japanese restaurant with their super delicious Katsu Don and Udon, John's Italian Caffe with their seafood linguini and tiramisu, Sambuca's prix fixe menu, the little video store, all situated on Baldwin St. 
10. I miss the Village Idiot Pub and their Fruli strawberry beer
11. I miss the Lucky Moose Mart and everything Taiwanese that they sell there, oh and the Jasmine Green Tea!
12. I miss the shady Barbeque Pork place on Spadina
13. I miss the Thai restaurant near the Kensington Market that had the best Thai Iced Tea
14. I miss the TD bank on the corner of Spadina and Dundas, as much as I hated it
15. I miss walking past the Robarts library
16. I miss the Blockbuster on Spadina that closed down even though I was their best customer
17. I miss the upstairs Pho place on Spadina
18. I miss the Vietnamese restaurant on Spadina and their Hai Nan chicken with the divine rice with veggies
19. I miss the Arton Bead store and the Icing bead store on Queen St.
20. I miss all the clothing stores and boutiques on Queen St.
21. I miss the Crepe Cafe on Queen St. that served the best paninis and savory crepes 
22. I miss the Chapters on the corner of the-streets-I-can-never-remember-the-name-of and the Scotia Bank theatre right next to it 
23. I miss the Metro, formerly known as Dominion, at the corner of College and University and getting cans and cans of Campbell's Garden Minestrone Soup and salami and Perrier
24. I miss the drugstore above the Metro where I'd spend hours looking at makeup
25. I miss the Baskin Robbins at the Village Grange 
26. I miss walking past the police stations on Dundas, College (lol, men in uniform *wink*)
27. I miss walking to class, especially to Victoria College, Rm. 101, where the early morning light would come in at a slant through the windows and set the dust a-dancing
28. I miss the Eggsmart place that served breakfast and brunch, which had the best freshly squeezed orange juice
29. I miss the Little India restaurant on Queen St. and their Butter Chicken, na'an, and lamb biryani dishes, oh and the mango juice
30. I miss walking to Eaton Centre and the World's Biggest Bookstore 
31. I miss the bubble tea place on Yonge St. 
32. I miss seeing the very awkwardly structured ROM on Bloor St. 
33. I miss seeing all the tall buildings and expensive people (lol) on Bloor St. 
34. I miss the Loblaws at the corner of Christie and Dupont
35. I miss being able to see the CN Tower from my bedroom window when I lived on Ross St.
36. I miss Big Fat Burrito and their root beer

That's all I can think of at the moment. I probably missed some things so I'll continue to add them as they come to mind. I think above all, I miss the freedom to wander. Peripatetic walking is the best. 

Heart Matters

I feel like only my heart has remain static
While everyone else's moved on without me
The jokes I am laughing at, ones I would five years ago,
Are met with a silent smile and I'm crestfallen inside.

Darkness

The days are forever ending
Pretending, covered up motives
Noctural spirits awake
Ocean skies, washed up
With a cup of black silence

I am built with hands of deceit and fear
Diseased, born with a rare haemophilia
Bleed with nausea and emotions
Offerings to this darkness of the world
Feed upon my sins

Released yet held prisoner, bind to guilt
Betrayed by my conscience
Assumptions holds me by a thread of string
Fallen, falling so deep
Thoughts and knowledge that don't belong to my mind

The world is an incredibly lonely place
Reaching for comfort that was never there
Everyone's shield with careless cold
All I know of love, is sadness
Extinct is halcyon 

And the world is an extremely cruel place
Corruptions allure, insatiable to power
Adapting to it turns me against myself
My heart ripped out, they are laughing manically,
Smearing its blood on the walls of mockery

I don't mean to criticize
But God, do you have eyes?
I doubt He does because His replies for me
Are only in forms of consequences
Agony and injustice prevails

There's no need to shield our children's eyes
We've killed and poisoned our futures
This is our punishment for our behavior;
Plagued with troubles and illness
Building our world upon faltered hope

We live time's life,
Living in heartbeats
Fast pulse, slow rhythm, stop
Mirror images don't last
Fogged up, shattered...

Moths, minions of dark covers up the pure radiance
We destroyed the light switch
Hecate's reign, trip to Hades, when will we realize?
Everything's slowly melting away
Like venomous ice cube, find the antidote

Words seep from my hands
Sealed and empty are my lips
Beautiful sorrows are all I could think of
Driven anticipation, this is the end
I'd rather be mute, perhaps then you could hear

The shadows of fate
Lurking around the corner
Immune to our blank words
Useless are our absent actions
Praying for a miracle

Headstrong, I have faith in goodness
But there are nights, walks in mist, worrying
Rain drops mix with my tears
Its recipe of sympathy, I consumed
Inspirational feelings...

And I'll always be trying
Retrieving light from our dark world
Eternal darkness, eternal darkness is us,
In us, burning forests, dying souls,
Saying peace with ease when we are lying
A little girl's nightmare of her parents
Contaminated air, full of unbelievable dishonesty, we breath in

A desperate reporter's made-up story, for fame
A proud king's status, to gain more, for supremacy
A needy thief's thirst for what he cannot get, for wealth
Us, when we know the dangers and effects of our actions, we still do.

Darkness has us locked up
Blind to our surroundings
Truth unfolds, regret rises
Selfish broken hearts, undo the past
Killers cry politely, seasons die
Clinch chance, rewrite this potential story
A new day, sunrise... 

This poem was written on December 23rd, 2005, in my notebook labeled "Anthology Pt 2.7." It's the first poem in the book. I've thought much about this poem while I was away from home because I remember the fervor and passion with which I wrote those words. It's the first poem where I really spoke my mind about this world that we live in.

It may seem unpolished and green to others, and yes, I think it's downright bad and awkward, but it remains one of my favourites, simply because I wrote it when I was still one who had faith despite the darkness. And I gave those words my ardor.

Our bodies are much like words -- just vessels, mediums, vehicles carrying purpose, meaning, and potential. Even with just one word, it can transform the meaning, the fluidity, the beauty of the sentence.

I have not edited this poem for this post (although I very much wanted to) -- every word is as it was 7 years ago.  

Wild Honeysuckle

The air smells of the trees' breath,
And I catch the last wink of the sun
Before it closes its eyes

There is rustling in the leaves
As birds call out to the wind
Declarations of life

A scent drifts on by
Familiarly sweet and soft
But I know not from where it comes

Just as it fades
The wind wafts it my way
Lifting my head in its direction

Those wild honeysuckles
Smile down at me delightfully
Like an old friend

The day's relay over,
As the sun passes the torch
To the approaching moon

The smell lingers in my mind
As I write down these words, 
The fireflies are dotting my i's.

Regression

I'm squatting on the ground
My arms around myself
Embracing me like you used to
I'm rocking gently, to and fro
Trying to calm my storm
But the rain keeps coming
And these are the things
You will never know
And I can only find comfort
And anesthetize my pain
Through regression.

The Boy

It has been over two thousand and five hundred
Days and miles between us,
And sometimes I'll look at your pictures
And read over the words we've written one another,
And I'll remember fondly and achingly
How I fell in love with you on a whim,
The first boy I ever truly loved,
The boy with the dashing looks,
The boy with the hidden talents,
The boy who had his troubles,
And I was there for all those things.
I thought of my bold and childish ways
I made you paper cranes with hidden wishes,
Went to your locker and tied ribbons there,
Asked you to drive me to morning band practice,
Did all those silly things to impress you,
And I've smiled and cried deeply because of you.
I'll never forget you and I wonder
If you think of me sometimes too,
The boy whose name was the first in my heart,
The boy who made me dream,
The boy who had no idea how much he means,
The boy who I will always love,
The boy who was admired by all,
But who chose me.

Gone is the Past

I loved you once
But you disappeared,
Vaporous.
If I could only stop time
If I could only stop time,
Alas, I cannot.
Every moment is passing
And I'm weary of it,
I'm tired of time's routine,
I'm tired of memory's photobook.
And no matter
How much I plead,
I doubt time will turn its head
And look back at me
With its pitying eyes,
Whilst holding your hand,
Walking into yesterday.

I miss you...
Published 10th of February.

Homesick

Rummaging through my closet
I'm searching for my seven-league boots
Mirroring my struggle to get to you

I'm a bird on the window sill
From the outside looking in
And it's the closest I can be

I'm the winged seed that fell too far from home
I fear that my roots will grasp too firmly to the ground
That I can't go back to the roots of my childhood

I've turned everything associated with you
Into amulets and charms of sorts
So I can be safely guided home.

Published: October 11th, 2010

Solitude

I walk alone on the streets
Not knowing anyone
Not wanting to know anyone
And all I have is you
In my memory.
And before I burst into tears
At the thought of you,
(Oh, how I miss you),
A monarch butterfly
Flutters by,
Giving me a little heart
To comfort my solitude.

Explosion

I remember when I was young
I had this art program
There was this function
That you could use.
It was a dynamite.
And after all you've drawn
And after all you've made
Just one click,
And it all goes away,
Wipes everything blank.
The way it happened
Is quite spectacular actually.
I wish I had this function
In real life.

The Past

There were so many times
When we walked by each other
And I would wonder if you remembered
I so badly wanted to say hi,
I so badly wanted to smile at you,
But I fear I was part of the forgotten
So I shrunk back, shy and silent.

Finally I picked up the courage,
And took a step forward
Into the past
And held out my hand
For you to hold,
So we can travel back in time
Together.

Forgotten Memories

I found a folder of your letters,
your letters for me.

Our summer love letters,
filled with happiness, passion and glee.

And as I read, the more I felt
And as I read, I felt a smile

We had such a good run
Though now we're apart, miles and miles

And the more I read,
the more I could feel the tears

I really did love you
So very much dear

I often think of you
And wondered if you thought of me too

And if we could turn back time
Could we make the sky stay bright blue?

I'm sorry for the pain I've caused
And thought it was silly of me

But it's all in the past now,
Guess we weren't meant to be...

Rediscovered

You know that feeling,
Where you dug up
From the dust
Something you cherished
With all your heart
And you start remembering
How much it all meant
The way you were
The attached memories
And you rejoice at the thought
While a smile creeps upon your face?

Liberated

The little girl
Dressed in a soft cotton dress
With yellow rain boots
And a soft scarf given to her
By her mother,
Around her neck
Running on the green pasture
Of the welcoming meadow
Chasing after butterflies
With a net in her tiny hands
Laughing, giggling
The warm breeze
Caressing her hair and scarf
As the sun begins to set
In the cloudless, magenta sky.