Suspicions

I'm going paranoid,
Seeing all these delirious signs
And I know
I don't want to believe
That I should have faith,
I should have trust...

So if these paranoid beliefs
Come true,
I can't blame myself
For something that I've not wronged
I'll just be jaded
And left to weep.

Keith

Unbeknownst to the stranger
I carry with me
A devastating secret,
Of utter importance
I hung it over my shoulder
And walked on ordinarily
Until a man cycled by
And stole the black bag
From me,
The explosive secret
I chased him down,
To no avail...
Determined,
I asked an elderly man
For directions,
"He has brown wavy hair"
"Oh Keith, yes"
His withered hands, pointing
And there was the familiar stranger
With a slight disguise
He had shaven
Patterns into those glorious strands
I opened my mouth, dignified,
Demanding for my secret back
He did not look at me
But locked his bike up,
With screwed up eye brows
He replied with hostility
Saying that he no longer has it
I besought him for an answer,
I needed it back.

We were running
It was a basement boiler room
He pushed me up a ladder
With peeling white paint
"Quick go, while I stall them"
People dressed in black
Were barging in
Armed with weapons
"No, I'm not leaving without you"

The next scene
Takes us to a bus
My vision tinted
By the presence of sunglasses
He sat across from me
My head faced him,
But he did not know
That I was looking
He gave a little knowing smile
With a disheartened look
In his eyes,
As my companion,
Intertwined his fingers in mine
I gave a weak smile,
And looked away.

It was the wrong timing,
Keith, the stranger
Who appeared in my life
Even after the undercover mission
We went on
Even after showing me
That he cared more than
He could ever admit...
I think after waking up,
If I ever met Keith
On the street,
I'm not sure how I'd react,
Such oscillating feelings...

And I guess,
The only link we'll ever have,
Is our dreams.
And I'll look at this passerby
Thinking,
"You don't know me,
But I know you"
While he walks by,
Thinking the same.

Keith, the character in my dream,
With unknown origins
Who saved the fantastical me,
Who invoked such conflicting emotions in me
He has such little impact on my reality,
Yet demands such attention,
Because he holds my secret.
He is my secret.

I had this really odd dream and it inspired this... really confusing poem, lol. Even though it was strange, it merits some sort of significance, that I can't explain. Maybe Freud can help me...

Apathy

We're living in a dead world,
and the live is haunting us.

Loosened Fear's Grip

I used to be afraid,
But not anymore,
Not anymore.

I've opened my heart to
Taking chances,
Giving love.

And I feel it in me,
While making love,
While simply sitting there.

I'd throw it all away
Even if it meant losing,
Just for you.

Distorted Reality

The truth is,
I still love you.
But the only way
To get over you,
Is to pretend,
You never existed.

Ah, Slipping Away

My love for you is fading,
As the rose petals fall gracefully to the ground,
One by one,
Like broken wings of birds,
Descending,
Silently,
Softly.

Goodbye Liar

Your smile is as deceptive as the sunshine on an autumn day.
Your words like some lines from a romance movie.
You're looking at me, as if you can see my soul through my eyes.
And you said that you've never met anyone like me in your life.
You utter those three words oh so ever easily, like you've had a lot of practice.
You said I've captured your all as I caught your attention drifting to some other.

And no, I won't fall for you.
I won't fall for your lies.
I won't fall for you this time.

Escapism

Everytime I get into a relationship,
For that moment,
I've always wanted to run away,
Far far away,
In hopes of my man chasing me,
Wanting me back.

This time something was different,
I didn't want to run away,
Because I know,
It wouldn't make a difference
Whether I was there or not,
In your eyes, I was just an object.

Even an escape from reality doesn't work,
How can anything else?

I'm So Cold Right Now, Why Won't You Hold Me?

I just want you to marvel
At my beauty
The way those other men
Whom I don't care about,
do.

That Girl

Her hair flows in the wind
Like seaweed in water.
When she sleeps,
They sprawl out like spider legs.
Her eyes are so bright,
They emit light.
Her lashes
Are like butterfly wings.
Her skin is like marble,
Complexion untainted by the sun.
Her lips, satiny pillows.
Her smile invites thousands of kisses.
Her finger are elegantly long.
Her body, lovable.

He is in love with her.

Second Best

I'm the girl you never chose to look at
To you, I'm just a product from an outlet
It wasn't that I was invisible to you
But you see right past through me.

Now you're telling me I'm beautiful
Because you can't get your dream girl
I've heard you uttered those same words
So many times, that they have no meaning anymore.

I don't want to be your backup
I'm not some random girl at a pub
I don't need your leftover love
I don't want to be your second best.

What'll I Do (Lyrics)

By Irving Berlin.
Peformed by: Chris Botti & Paula Cole.

What'll I do,
When you are far away
And I am so blue,
What'll I do?

What'll I do,
When I am wondering who
Is kissing you,
What'll I do?

What'll I do,
With just a photograph
To tell my troubles to?

When I'm alone,
With only dreams of you
That won't come true,
What'll I do?

Happy 100th post. :)

His Trumpet

Every note that shoots out of that bell
Every sound he emits out of that brass
Makes my soul soar, high and higher.

His music
Is a spotlight
On darkest corners of my heart.

He is a magician,
Who turns ordinary air
Into something so extraordinary.

His music
Sets me free,
His music
Holds my mind hostage.

And when he hits
The highest possible note,
It's like fireworks,
It makes me feel
Like I'm riding on a shooting star,
To the edges of the universe unexplored.

Captured. Captivated. Allured. Entranced.
I'm possessed.

Of course, dedicated to Mr. Chris Botti. <3 br="br">

Haunted

It's already been a year.
Yet your image still haunts me.
The memories of you still stalk me.

The lovers holding hands,
looking at the setting sun,
knowing that at least for another day,
that their love will live.
I look at the setting sun,
and know that our love has already died,
died out before the sun.

In the end, I can sing every single song,
I heard on the radio
The songs we used to dance to,
now metamorphized
into the saddest songs I have ever heard.

And I cry.

Elements of Life

I am like fluid,
trickling down some cold surface.
I am riding on the sound waves
that's traveling to your ears.
I am composed of love,
and in turn, I am to love.
I am as lonely,
as the leaf that fell by itself in spring.
I am like the crescent moon,
my lips can curl into the same smile.
I am as the sad as the saddest love song,
each word in the lyric pierce through hearts.
I am as warm,
as the ray of sunshine I'm bathed in.
And I am as alive,
as the next entity in this world.
We all find traces of each other,
in each other.

When the Wind Blows

Moving lights
Captured my attention
I looked towards
The flickering
Imprinted on the ground
I lifted my sight to the window
And watched the leaves
Waving back and forth
In the wind.

Bad Influence

I fell to the ground
Trampled on by your feet
I lay in the muddled water
I am muddled water
I reached up to the dark gray sky
Grabbing for the imaginary support.

A fat raindrop breaks upon my face
Even nature is pitying me.

So cleanse me,
Renew my soul,
Save me from you.

Stroke of Light

The molecules vibrate
Even harder when there is lightning
And I find it more
Frightening
To hear sirens in the distance
Than how close the crack was.
And I find myself
Praying for the safety of others.
While I lay on my back
The roof, the only thing
That separates me from the rain,
The cold,
The magnificence.

Masks, Masks On Everyone

I don't understand you.
You're not the person I thought you were.
There's a darkness to you,
That I never saw before.
How can I trust again?

How is it that
People can say one thing,
But do another?
I'll never understand.
Sure hypocrisy is human nature...
But you have it to the extreme.

Let that be a lesson to me.

Maybe It's Better This Way

I want to segregate my heart
From loving
Because I have too many fears
Fear of losing
Fear of regret
Fear of pain.

I have nothing to offer
Nothing to give back
No gift to equate yours
I am no where near
Your enlightenment.

It's easier to not feel
It's easier not to be comforted
It's easier not to give in in the first place
It's better this way.

The Truth

I will never insist on
Things that have
A coin's chance of outcome.
I will never force you
To love me.
I will never lie
To get my way.
I will never love
Superficially.

I can believe in you
Hurting me.
I can believe in you
Changing my life.
I can believe in you.

But please
Don't toy with my emotions,
Don't drag my heart by your feet,
Don't trample on my dreams,
Don't purposely murder my spirit.

Don't think that I'm fragile
Without you.

I'm perfectly fine on my own.
I have survived without you,
Before you.
And I can do so in the end.

Remember this truth.

Crimson Road

I am falling like autumn leaves
Floating softly, gingerly dancing
Caressed by the wind, cradled
Powerless, captured

I can feel your presence
I can feel your fingers run on my lips
Your gaze on my neck
Watching my temple jump

I hold out my arms
Like a bird spreading its wings
Ready to take flight
But I lean back

Fall
Fall
Fall

The moment before I hit the ground
I was grasped by an unknown force
I am moving in liquid
Floating, but not
Drowning but living
Entangled, but free

I walk down a mysterious road
Curiosity lured me there
I averted my eyes down the path
And only when I set my sight straight
Did I see you.

Self-Evolution

I promise to love myself more
To live each day with less regrets
To cherish each breath I take
Make use of the talents bestowed
To become less hypocritical
Race against time and win
Chase my dreams
Write something in history
To try to not make sense of world
But to make sense of my existence
Never to think crazy hypotheses as far-fetched
But to keep guard my naivety, genuineness
I will keep loving,
And love harder, more ardently
Keep safe my childhood soul, untainted
Laugh louder, smile deeper, feel fuller
I will better my wrongs
Cage the arrogant shadow to my brilliance
I will be me,
More self-fulfilled
Where my everyday is
Lived with passion and compassion.

We Are

We are flesh and bones
Machinery that is
Capable of creation and destruction.

We are fragile,
But strong-willed
Empowered by surges of what we feel.

We are kind and cruel
Altruistic,
Psychopathic.

We are beautiful and ugly
Naive and innocent,
Selfish and superficial.

We are all the same
Yet individualistic.

We
Are
Human.

It's You

I'm calling your name
Won't you come to me?
Love is never something lame
Especially when you're meant to be (with me).

I'm running through a maze
Won't you come a-chasing?
You got me in a daze
In my mind there are you, pacing.

I'm falling off cloud nine
Won't you catch me?
Do you know that heart you're holding is mine?
Like a flower to a bumblebee.

I'm needing you
Lace your fingers in my hair
Can you take away my blues?
This distance is more than I can bare.

The words that erupt from your mouth
A feeling in my heart they arouse

And when you told me you loved me
It's like the lock, has finally found a key.

The Good

The honourable
The moral
The chivalric
The honest
The compassionate
The kind

Will always win.

Set Me Free

Please don't dangle me
By my heart strings
Please ease my mind
And don't try to fool me
Please be definitive
Be the euthanasia to my doubt
Please don't cage my spirit
...Set me free.

The Magician

I watched the unexplainable tricks
All the illusions he conjured up
Baffling shows
Mesmerizing
Breath taking
And so one night
After the spectacle
I spoke to him
His eyes smiled to me mysteriously
We talked of stories and past magicians
Conversations flowed like fluid.

And the nights continued like so
With a crescendo of comfort and laughter
And without knowing it,
He became my sanctuary.
His crowd-pleasing acts,
My mental escape
His presence,
An escape from reality.

So one night,
I pleaded to him,
"Eisenheim, please make me disappear."
With a couple of moments of thoughts
He turned to me, his eyes glistening,
"Okay. Only if you're with me."

Lol. Inspired by "The Illusionist". <3 span="span">

Drifting Along the Piano Notes

The staccato pounding of the bass keys
Luring me to melancholy.
As the hands drift over the each key
I felt my soul roll over the strings
Vibrating along with each finger press
And I feel the player's pain,
I feel the sadness denoted in the music,
I feel.

Tug of War

I'm at a loss
I don't know how to interpret my feelings
I feel like a fool
I don't know where to begin
For one moment
I felt this way
And in another,
I felt another
I don't know what to do with myself
Which side will win the tug of war?

The Culprit

You, you were the one,
Who pushed me into the bottomless pit,
The trip that caused my fall,
Stole my love and sold it to Russia,
Humiliate me in front of the seas of people,
Who hurt me without touching me,
The one who blinded my rationality,
It was you all along.

Picturesque

I walked by your house today
Your street is serene
The wind blows hot air
Through the canopied path
The cotton from the cotton tree
Floated through the air effortlessly.
It was snowing in June.

*

I looked at the house
Marked by the familiar number
It stood against the bright blue sky
Shadows falling upon the lawn
No, it was not an extravagant building;
It was comfortable
And warming, even heart-wrenching,
Reeking of nostalgia,
Happier times and smiles.

Thunder and Lightning

Glorifying,
Justifying,
Magnifying,
Beautifying.

Match

You and I are such a good match
Coincidental similarities
Strong newels
Warm admiration for one another
Each other's prompts
The push to get through the days
Puzzle pieces that adjoin,
though from different puzzle sets
Perhaps good isn't a suitable word...
How about perfect?

Save Me, Please

I'm plummeting into the darkness
Falling into endlessness
I reach up to grab nothingness
And I close my eyes
Hoping then,
To see that beacon of light.
Hoping to see you
Trying your all to save me.

Illusion & Reality

You said,
Sometimes you're allowed to be deluded
About love
Because love is a good thing

And while you said this,
Your eyes lead a trail
Up to mine
Making a connection

And you continued on
Saying that
Love at first sight doesn't exist;
It's an illusion

But you added that,
Sometimes illusions
Can turn into reality
Love can be a reality

So I'm here
Sitting and listening
Daydreaming about your words
Wondering

Whether our illusions
Will turn into a reality...

I Confess

You corrupted my heart
Disturbed my tranquil equilibrium
With your loving words
Your humane voice
Robust glace
And I never thought for once
That I'd ever fall for someone
Like you.

Happy 75th entry! <3 span="span">
With every word drawn from my heart.

The Face

The stranger in my dream,
How dare you tread in my dream?
What gave you the courage,
To grab my hands
And dance with me?
Taking control of my fantastical imagination
What gave you the power,
To steer the boat of my dream towards your end?
How did you become the pilot
Of my plane?
How dare you, let me awake,
In a mist of confusion,
Stranger?

Carotid Artery

You enticed my mind,
Stole my sensibility,
Seduced me with your eyes,
Magnetized my soul,
Your words resounded in my head,
Chained me to you with your stance

All these elements,
They are slowly trafficking through my heart
Captured my all,
And I'm almost yours.
I'm on the brink of loosing myself to you
I'm slowly surrendering to your ardent love,
Your ardent love for me.

That Moment In Time When You Gazed at Me

Making sense of chaotic thoughts
Are you inserting hidden messages into my thoughts?
And I think if I spoke that moment in time,
You'd hear awkward speech
Would you have kissed my embarrassment away?
Would you have hugged my fears away?
No, I will not forget
The way you paced the floor
Each step a butterfly effect
Sending electricity my way
And for that moment in time
When you looked at me,
That crystal grain of sand
Stopped mid-air
In the hourglass.

Angel In Disguise

You came around
Around the corner
We spoke many words
And laughed many laughs
Then you reached forward
And teared out my heart
You felt it withering in your hands
Your hands drenched in my blood
Holding my battered heart
And I'm hurt,
Terribly hurt
Until one day you came around again
Around the corner
You held out to me
My heart
Renewed, repaired
I don't know how I lived the days
But you saved me.

Unconsciously Conscious

You walk out the door,
Feeling great
The sunshine playing up your radiance
Until you see him walk past
Then stopping to say hello
You feel heat rising up to your cheeks
And suddenly your hair doesn't seem so perfect
You get a little weak in the knees
All the while
Not noticing yourself
Squirming under his kind gaze
And then he says goodbye
And told you you looked beautiful
And that's when you feel
The way you did
When you first stepped out that door
And that's when you realize
Just how much he makes your day.

Paradise Found

I have fallen into an abyss
On your command
An abyss filled with alluring arrays of light
As I ran my fingers through the beams

I feel like I am drifting on your words
Listening intently,
Trying to grab onto every reverberance
Emitted from your lips

You lit the sparks in my mind
All these colourful explosions
Such beauty, such discovery
Such paradise.

That Look In Your Eyes

There's something about your stance
When you talk to me
There's a joy intertwined with your words
That I can't quite pinpoint
You made me open my mind
And broaden my scale of horizons
I can't believe how much I love talking to you...
Is it all possible?
Is that look in your eyes,
real,
or just a mirage?

Lips, Fingers and Strings

Your tune carried me to places I've never been
Wondrous places with fantastic colours
Where words are painted up in the sky with a gleam
Though we were still in the parlour.

And you sang to me with your soothing voice
Your eyes sparkling like sapphires
You sir, you're unlike any other boys
When I was still burning, you put out the fire.

How do you lace your passion in your words?
Your fingertips like raindrops on strings
Nothing you say is untoward
Oh, the joy to my heart you bring...

The Spider

I saw a spider on the wall,
with a shriveled up body
dangling off the ceiling...
After a few moment of observance,
the little body starts moving again,
struggling, struggling to climb back up.

I watched it do this
over and over again,
and I thought to myself,
for something so small,
something so insignificant,
its determination,
its will to live,
why it's greater than a lot of us
on this Earth.

Forgotten Memories

I found a folder of your letters,
your letters for me.

Our summer love letters,
filled with happiness, passion and glee.

And as I read, the more I felt
And as I read, I felt a smile

We had such a good run
Though now we're apart, miles and miles

And the more I read,
the more I could feel the tears

I really did love you
So very much dear

I often think of you
And wondered if you thought of me too

And if we could turn back time
Could we make the sky stay bright blue?

I'm sorry for the pain I've caused
And thought it was silly of me

But it's all in the past now,
Guess we weren't meant to be...

Love from a Distance

Show me the secret
Give me the manual
Tell me the directions
Teach me the ways
To elicit a smile on your face
To get your attention
To make you notice me.

Once Upon a Wish

In my dreams,
I saw your reflection in the fountain
As I swirled the water with my finger
The stars are shining upon us tonight
The night air carried a sweet perfume
We are caught up in its torrid current

You held my hand
As we walked...
We came upon a wishing well
You reached inside your pocket
And retrieved an ordinary coin

I took it
And turned it into an extraordinary wish
Closing my eyes, I heard a plop

And woke up.

Je suis

Je suis la petite princesse
de mes parents.

Cinderella

True love can overcome any magical spells.

Fairy Tales

Are simply just that.
But there's something magical about them.
Making you feel like you've lived in a dream
All your life before
And they strike up a hope in your heart

Yes, you can't relate them to real life
But the way they make you feel;
You're a princess already.

Rediscovered

You know that feeling,
Where you dug up
From the dust
Something you cherished
With all your heart
And you start remembering
How much it all meant
The way you were
The attached memories
And you rejoice at the thought
While a smile creeps upon your face?

The Moment

We were walking
Towards each other
On the long, long street

The wind blew me towards you
And as we got closer
A bridge formed between our eyes

I saw a glint in those eyes of yours
Smiling with a secret
Before we both get whisked away
Continuing down our paths...

Spring

I want to run on greener pastures
And lie in the tall grass
Taking in the scent of the moist air
Feel the sunshine splashed onto me
Trace the clouds with my finger
Observe the playful chase of life
And sleep with the window open
Open to the nightlife that is reborn.

I'll Know

The stars are drawing out my dreams tonight.

L'amour

Love is stubborn.

Love makes your emotions erupt.

Love is the tape to your mouth,
Opens your heart.

But can love be everlasting?

Liberated

The little girl
Dressed in a soft cotton dress
With yellow rain boots
And a soft scarf given to her
By her mother,
Around her neck
Running on the green pasture
Of the welcoming meadow
Chasing after butterflies
With a net in her tiny hands
Laughing, giggling
The warm breeze
Caressing her hair and scarf
As the sun begins to set
In the cloudless, magenta sky.

Wind

I am floating through the window,
Carried into oblivion
The wind whispered and whistled
Secrets of the sun
I am resting on a pile of clouds
My hand reaching out
To the sea of skies,
And I caught a star.

Imaginary

I hope you don't only exist in my dreams...
And perhaps we'll find each other
Through this imaginary connection.

The Antagonist

The misunderstood person
The hated one
The one that everyone hopes
To have the worst outcome
The shunned one
The one who seemed to feed on darkness
Grows on evil
The one without a heart
The one with the cold glare

I feel like that person.

Arrow

You left a hole in my heart.

Happy 50th post. <3 span="span">

Scissors

I guess cupid mis-aimed
There was a knot
In the string that linked us together

Maybe it's time to grab
A pair of scissors
And cut it
So it becomes
What it's supposed to be.

Weary

I feel like a wanderer
Walking relentlessly
To an unknown destination
Through deserts
Over harsh mountains
Cold seas and unforgiving oceans

And for what?

Chapter 79

Amidst the chaos
I found myself
At a loss
I searched the bookshelf
For an answer
Scattered, confused pages
Catching cancer
Was I to be doomed for ages?
But I will not be defeated
And I will find myself again
My fears all fleet'd
Yes it will be a gain
As the chapters go on
I will find the light
And though the pressure weighs a ton
I will push with all of my might.

Goodbye

Give me a pair of wings and send me flyin'.

Hourglass

You're a grain of sand in the hourglass.
Sparkling as you fall
Into my memories
Each one as significant
As the next
Each one bringing
A smile
To my face.

Cold Hands

Though I hate it,
But I wish I had cold hands
All the time
So you would hold them
All the time
Even after they've been warmed.

Overcame

The clouds are breaking,
Emitting the moonlight
Showcasing
A display of sparkling stars
Shiny, shiny stars,
Shine so bright
Bright on my life.

Caught

You're playing
A game of tug-of-war
With my heart

Just about when
I am able to
Let you go

You pull me back
Into your arms

How can I feel so
Secure
And insecure
At the same time?

Waking Up

My hands were cold
But I did not feel them

I think I saw you
But you're just an illusion

Maybe it's time
To wake up.

Prey

Yeah,
Just expose me to disappointed hopes.
Set me off flying,
Free me of my cage,
Then shoot me down.
Yeah,
Shoot me down.

Answer

Thanks for wiping the fog away.

A Plead

Will it be answered?

Dying

Baby, I'm dying.
Won't you come save me?

Escape

I want to run away
To a place
Where no one can find me.

Wasted

I must've mistaken
You
For someone else.

You probably
Pressed the wrong key
On the calculator
--I'm not the one you want.

But why
Does this mistake feel right?

Beauty

Your love
Makes me feel
Beautiful.

Magneticism

It's your voice;
I fell in love with your voice
I've realized.

String

I've been following this red string
That was tied to my finger
I found it tangled and knotted
When I finally unraveled everything
It led me to you
It led me to you.

Foggy Window

To see more clearly,
I wiped the fogged up window
But everything was still fuzzy...

Fallen

And I fell to the ground,
Not really knowing
If you tried to catch me or not...

Whirlwind

And there you go,
Sweeping me off my feet.

Always On My Mind

I found you at the corner of my smile.
The twinkle in my eye.
Sneaking into my thoughts.
Secret of my heart.

Heartbeat Monitor

"Thump-thump, thump-thump" calls my jolt'd heart
When our hands accidentally touch
You smile at me, but we're still souls apart
And I wonder if you ever feel as such

You play my heart like a metronome
From slow to 64/64
In your gaze I belong, I feel like I'm home
Now I'm hoping it's you opening that door

On my obeying heart I placed your hand
Stethoscopes are not need'd to hear its rhythm
You felt it pumping fast on your command
An obvious signal you need not fathom

"Thump-thump" sings happily, my fulfill'd heart
Our love is now a work of tender art.

Reality

Are you just a wonderful dream?
I hope more.

One Soul

Who am I without you, stranger?

Model

I may trip, but I never fall.

Heart of a Lion

I am determined to make it right.
Paint my face with confidence.
Walk tall with a mysterious smile.

Love Story

When can I write my own love story?
Where I am the female protagonist,
with my male protagonist,
who loves me to death,
with a beautiful ending?

Soulmate

Where art thou?

Love Triangle

It's like a plastic bag,
Caught in a wind storm
Tugged here and there
Endlessly.