Possessed

I've been trying so hard
But they've been there for so long,
I've been lying on the door
They've been wanting to burst through

...and I finally let them.

They erupt, being repressed for so long
A fast bullet of black ink,
Smoke in my cup of water
And I am changed.

"One Day You Will Teach Me to Let Go of My Fears"

I've been trying so hard
But the shadows won't leave me
They make me guarded,
But I think I've been guarding them too.

They've been there for so long
Burnt into the ground I tread
...and I can't be without them
I am nothing without them.


I'm dizzy when I close my eyes
The darkness is a drug and a fright
It's a such a war, such a struggle
In my mind

And I'm laughing and I'm crying
So afraid, so I'm fighting it
And I'm hiding in it
I'm holding onto it.

I WANT TO BE CUTE TOO!

I don't know what inspired this. I only wanted to draw a cute kitten (for someone), but then I thought, that's not enough! I can't let no cute cat over-cute my koala! Well. I guess that's it. Hahaha! But then of course, what happens? Koala ends up looking stoopid. As per usual. :P Ha! (And no, koala didn't kill the cat, it's only a costume... *shifty eyes*)

Mew... mewmewmemwmemwmewmemwew!

I feel like I make this face a lot in real life... lol.

Metamorphosis

My tulle skirt! This wasn't in my original plan (my original plan was to only make wings), but then I saw Jenny Matrix's dress (from VGHS) when she sang opera and it was so purdy and I was like, "I WANT ONE!" I had the hardest time finding tulle. Luckily there was a Michael's near my work and I went to go get some during lunch last Monday. I got a spool of black glitter tulle, and a spool of gold glitter tulle (both 6 yards), and another spool of ivory white tulle (this one is 100 yards). They didn't have any plain black ones, so I thought maybe I'll use the ivory white one as a filler and use the gold and black ones on top. So. For those that are thinking of buying tulle... NEVER, EVER PURCHASE GLITTER ONES BECAUSE THEY WILL BE -EVERYWHERE-. And by everywhere, I mean EVERYWHERE. Like rolling naked in sand. They end up in cracks you never thought imaginable. I kid you not. Anyway. I wanted my skirt to be quite long because I was going to wear a black dress underneath and I wanted it to cover, if not, be longer, than my dress. I used 106 yards in total and each strip of tulle being 2 feet long (well, double that because this is a no-sew skirt -- I can't sew for sh*t). And voila! Also got a crimson ribbon for the base. Oh, the reason why I didn't use the black glitter tulle was because the texture was way too different to mesh in seamlessly with the rest of the skirt (it was stiffer in texture). I'm very happy with the way it turned out. At first I thought I wouldn't have enough tulle because I still had ribbon left over when I used up all my ivory white one and my gold glitter one... but because I had bunched them up really tightly (for the super poof!), I figured I can make up for the empty space by spacing them out more, and it worked and it was still poofy as heck!

My butterfly wings! I've always had great affinity for butterflies. I'm not sure if I ever related this story on my blog... When I was young, on this summer's day, I was out enjoying the greens and the sunshine and the warmth. A white butterfly fluttered by and I followed it to a flower. I examined it closely. And as anyone afflicted with want and curiosity, I reached forth slowly, wanting to touch its delicate wings... just to feel it. It did not fly away. And I touched its ever-so-soft wings, dusty with pollen... Allured and possessed, I did not notice that the butterfly had started flapping its wings... and I tore a part of its wing off... It spluttered off, injured. The sense of wonderment was instantly replaced with immense guilt, knowing that I killed it... My fingertips, still powdered, as I watch it disappear into the world to death, and forever resting in my mind. ...I looked for butterfly costumes everywhere online, but none catered to adults (well, there were, but they were all... distasteful). Then I thought, "Why in the world am I not making my own wings?!" And thus, I researched for DIY projects on how to make wings... I couldn't decide on what colour to make my wings, but I settled on this red because it was the only pair of stockings I could find that were lacy. I was going to make the entirety of my wings one colour, but the stocking would not cooperate with the 16 gauge wire that I used. It was pretty tough to manipulate the nylon -- that was the most difficult part of it all. For the top part of the wings, I used two coat hangers as the frame. The black nylon was considerably thinner, so I used the 16 gauge wire for it (though it was still much too weak to withhold its shape against the nylon). I used duck tape to bring it all together (I've never really used duck tape before and they really -are- quite efficient and effective!). I then used lacy black ribbon for the straps. I don't know if it's my back though, or my poor estimate of how long I should make the straps (even though I've tested it), but my wings were rather crooked. I didn't mind too much though. Nothing wrong with crooked wings. It represents me rather well.

This is my outfit put together. I wore a black dress, with a black, long cardigan over it and black tights (don't get too jelly of my Totoro slippers!)... I also wore my Victorian-esque high heels. I didn't think my cardigan would've worked, but it did. And I could spread my tulle skirt a bit to access my pockets. It's like, a secret compartment! *shifty eyes* So. Funny thing. I had to work on Halloween. Yes. And so it turns out I was THE ONLY ONE that dressed up at work. Yep. It was pretty hawkward, but I guess no one enjoys Halloween more than I do at (it is arguably, my favourite holiday). So um. It was a rainy day. And when I got into work, I took the stairs, carrying a bunch of stuff with me (I also didn't wear my glasses (I don't wear contacts) because if I can't see people judging me, then I won't be so self-conscious)... and I was thinking to myself, "Oh god, I wish I don't slip and crack my head open..." And guess what happened? ...There are two flights of stairs down to the floor my office is on... And at the end of the first flight, I fell. Yes. I fell. Luckily, I didn't fall at the top, but it was still pretty painful. I got up pretty quickly though, and as anyone who gets hurt or falls, I looked around to see if anyone saw... One of my colleague came right after I got up... I later asked him if he saw me fall, but he said he didn't, phew. But my leg was pretty swollen, lol. Oops! One thing that surprised me was that almost everyone at work said that I looked very pretty when they saw me. I got paid so many nice compliments, I was getting super embarrassed. *shifty eyes* They were all pretty surprised that I came to work like that. I guess I am the only one that grew up in Western culture? (I work at an Asian company...) *shakes head* Haha. And people wanted to take pictures of me... I can't even..... I had... 3 photos taken of me by other people, which was extremely awkward. I should've asked for a fee, lol. I rejected all the other attempts though, lol. Oh, and remember when I said don't ever get glitter tulle? Yeah. If you were looking for me at work, all you had to do was follow the glitter. Holy shizzles. There was glitter everywhere, lol. I almost felt bad. My male colleague (the one that came in after I did, in the stairway) refused to sit in the seat I sat in, because he was worried about getting glitter on his pants. -_- Haha.

What's a camwhoring session without making faces?

I wanted to incorporate gold into mah makeup, so I can tie in all the colours: black, red, white, gold. I couldn't decide what lip to go with though. I ended up using my dark red lip lacquer... but I had already taken that off before this picture because I had to eat dinner, so I just put on mah trusty red lipstick instead. So, in actuality, I had darker lips than this throughout the day.

I really did enjoy this year's Halloween! Even though I only got one piece of chocolate from a co-worker. No one else gave me candy. *pouts* But yeah, I feel like it was a successful project! Everything turned out well. Oh, right, I have to explain what my costume actually is. The tulle skirt represents the "cocoon" and the top half of me is the butterfly emerging out of it... *smiles* Hence the title of this post. For my love of the butterfly, and for the change, and for the transformation into something good and carefree. Something I strive to be.

People said I looked really different. Maybe I should put more effort into my everyday look? Lol. Or was it the lack of glasses?! I don't even know. Hahaha.

And thus concludes my account of my Halloween, 2014! Best to end it with a cheeky photo. Oh, and also! My ring! It is the most beautiful thing that ever resided on my finger -- it is replication of Denna's ring (the author worked with the jeweler to create it). Denna is the female protagonist in my most adored book series of all time: The Kingkiller Chronicles.

Hope everyone had a fun and safe Halloween!