January 29, 2014

It Ends Today, It Starts Today

I started this doodle the other night when I drew that girl. I drew this because I was feeling angry and sad and lonely. I'm not sure about you, dear reader, but I hate the feeling of being left out. It leaves you feeling worthless and unloved. Though I'm sure that's not the case, you can't help but feel that way... And you would only feel such a way because you crave to laugh and share those moments with people that you care about... only to feel that they will have those moments anyway, with or without you. And that's a sad thought. ...My art is my catharsis and the more that I draw those dark lines on the paper, the less dark I feel inside. And suddenly it hit me. Even if my friends are having fun without me, why don't they deserve to have fun? Of course they do. And there will always be times when I am not able in join in on the fun... Although it makes me sad, I shouldn't be feeling so sad. So voila. This is the result of such a realization. I'm okay with not being included. I can have my own fun. *wink*  ...I'll always be along side of them anyway. :)

January 22, 2014

Sweet Madness

I've been working on this one for a bit. I drew it for a friend in mind. I hope it expresses how much his friendship means to me. I don't think what I drew is immediately obvious, but I mean for it to capture presence/absence. Maybe you can take a guess what that is. I've tried to draw it as true to the sample image I found. Well anyhow, this is for you, A.S.!
I got into a mood last night where I felt nothing else but drawing maniacally can relief. I never thought I'd venture into drawing faces, but I felt inclined to last night somehow. I think I did okay. It definitely needs work, but that's the facial expression I wanted. And the movement of the hair also.

January 11, 2014

Memories - On Teachers

So today, while I was taking a break from the art that I was working on, I was browsing on Facebook when I came across a post by one of my high school classmates. He was commenting on how he was checking out the Rate My Teachers site, which also prompted me to take a look at it too.

I go down the list reading the ratings and comments other students had left of the teachers that I had in high school. I've been on this site before, I must add. Years ago. Anyway, it inspired me to write a post on the most influential teachers I've ever had in my (academic) life.

Let's rewind all the way back to when I was still in Taiwan. When I was in grade one, I had a teacher who shared the same last name as me. Although my memory of what she looked like was faint, I'm sure I still have photos of her here somewhere. She has short, boy-cut hair, with round glasses. The most memorable thing about her was her ability to tell stories. I remember those afternoons where all of us sat at our desks in columns and rows, listening to her fantastical story of a flying car, sending us all into a dream-like trance. I also remember the extra-curricular art classes that she hosted after school. One particular session stood out in my mind where we drew on styrofoam sheets (making imprints and poking holes on it), then painting it, and pressing it onto paper like a stamp. I no longer have the artwork, but I remember doing an underwater themed painting. This teacher and I, though I moved to another school closer to my house in the second grade, kept a correspondence for a bit after I moved to Canada. Since my education in writing Chinese ended when I was in grade two, I wrote to her in (still poor) English, with my parents promising me that she would understand. It's a good feeling to receive her letters. It's probably one of the reasons why I enjoy writing long letters to people, hoping that they bring the same joy that I feel when I receive them.

When I first came to Canada, I did not assimilate well, simply because I could not speak the common language. I cried a lot because the elementary school I was enrolled in was... a poor one, and I experienced some minor bullying because I was different. My second grade teacher at this school, was an old lady. She was also, supposedly, the vice principal of the school, so she would teach my class along with another younger teacher. She was very kind and gentle, though I imagine it must have been hard to communicate with me. She was amazed at my mathematical skills for some reason. I must say here, that my math grades were considered poor in Taiwan. (* I shall relate of one of my childhood math stories in a bit.) I did not excel in the subject. Until I came here and realized how easy it was here.

*The story of math and airplanes. 
For one of the math tests (this was fairly early on, probably before elementary school), we were supposed to count up airplanes and add them together (or subtract) and write down the answer. I was told that I purposely wrote down the wrong number (for example, 5) and draw in airplanes in the equation to make my answer a correct one (e.g. if the question 2 airplanes + 2 airplanes, I would draw in an airplane so 5 would be the right answer). And if you must know, I got marked wrong for all those. *shifty eyes* Because "it's not what the questions asked."

Needless to say, Mrs. Loewan (I think that was her name), was an influential figure. She was like a surrogate grandmother in some ways, and made me feel that I am not as dumb in math as I thought I was.

We moved after I graduated grade two, I think. And that's when I met one of the most important people in my life: Mrs. Warkentin. I'm sure she won't mind that I write her name here. When I first arrived at this elementary school, my English was still pretty poor, though I can say and understand simple things. Mrs. Warkentin taught my class with another woman because the latter lady was pregnant. Mrs. Warkentin was also the choir teacher. So naturally, she was very sing-song-y in class, which I personally enjoyed... I still struggled a lot with other subjects that involved English, like, of course Language Arts, Social Studies... One day, Mrs. Warkentin pulled me aside and asked if I would like to join the choir. I will always remember that moment because she strived to help me improve. (If I must compare her to my other teacher... Let me relate to you something that happened... we have this Language Arts journal that we do in class for when we read a book. We write down something we like about the book (I think) and draw a picture to go along with it... The other teacher, Mrs. S let's call her, was always frustrated by what I wrote because well, my English is bad... This one time, when I was sitting down to start writing (something that I was starting to hate), she told me that I didn't have to write anything, but just draw what I wanted to draw...). Anyway, choir was a lot of fun, even though I didn't really know what I was singing about and it gave me the confidence to talk... I was fortunate to have Mrs. Warkentin again when I was in grade four. And this time, she taught the class by herself. It was a great year. There was this one time when I drew something for the Christmas book project that we were working on, she looked at it and told the whole class to stop and look at what I've drawn... I'm just so touched by her, dear readers. Because of how she made me feel about myself. She believes in my potential and helps me toward it. She also took the class to her home for a field trip one day. Her family had set up a BBQ and we all played in her backyard. It was nice. We also had guinea pigs in class, Cutie Pie and Pumpkin. Oh and I won't forget Jake, her doggie, that she introduced us to.

Anyway, I digress a little. She was just the most loving, kind, inspirational teacher I've ever had. And I'm very lucky to have had her during a time when I was still trying to fit in, trying to make sense of the foreign... I can't say enough good things about her. She will always, forever, be the best teacher I've ever had (well, maybe tied with another, that I will write about below).

One day, when I was in high school, and walking home, I thought about her. I thought that maybe I can drop by (since I pass by my elementary school when I walk home) and chat with her. I missed her quite badly that day. So I ventured up to the school, excited to tell her of my accomplishments and how much part she had in my success... Only for the office to tell me that she no longer teaches there... I was crestfallen, regretting that I hadn't gone back and visit her earlier... I cried...

When I was in university, an idea struck me that I can still try to look for her. I searched Facebook for her, just in case she was on the social media. I found a person with her name, so I messaged the person, asking her if she was the one I was looking for (I wasn't sure because the photo was unclear). I got a message back from the woman saying that she had never been a teacher at the elementary school. Then another idea struck me: I can try the school district email. Perhaps she's still teaching. It's worth a try anyway.

You can only imagine my elation when she replied. She told me that she moved on from the elementary school and was helping kids with disabilities. She also told me that just the day before, she was talking to her daughter, wondering if any of her students will ever remember her, only to receive an email from me the next day. We corresponded a little more, updating each other on our lives. Then, busyness took over and I lost contact with her again... I'm not so sad this time though, because she knows just what a significant impact she made on my life. And that's what I want her to know the most...

My grade six and seven (I had him for two years) teacher deserves a mention here. When I was in grade five and graduating to a higher grade, there was rumour that he was the toughest teacher of the entire school. That... was no rumour. He is tough, but he is also an excellent teacher. Mr. Andres, who wears shorts even when it's cold. It is because of him that I started excelling in my academics. I can't say that I've always had a good time in his classes, but he prepped us well for our education and life. And the team games that he would host (he would divide the class up into teams and we would do different activities, ranging in all subjects, earning points to try to win) were difficult, but extremely fun. I didn't hit my breakthrough until I was in grade 7 though. It was because of him that my French is always top of my class... And I'll never forget the time when he complimented on my art in front of another teacher, when I didn't think it was that great. Thanks Mr. Andres, for being a good teacher and preparing us for our future.

I've been fortunate to have a couple of good teachers when I was in high school. My band teacher, Mr. Henderson, is a pretty awesome guy. A brilliant musician and easy-going. Taught us a lot about music and pushing us to be better ones. My grade ten English teacher, Mr. Karvonen. Arguably, the best English teacher I've ever had. He helped ignite the love I have for literature. Entertaining and bright, he cares about the students who care about English. I had the highest mark in his class. My French teacher deserves a mention here too, I guess. I do question her as a person (because she's probably not as nice as she seems), but she was a fairly good French teacher. She was also the teacher that headed the Students' Council. So that makes her a little gossip-y I guess. Anyway, she was encouraging when I went to her for additional French stuff (I was a francophile *shifty eyes*) and she seemed to like me, but like I said, questionable behavior when gossip is involved. I tried really hard in her class because I wanted to excel in French and I guess if she thinks me a "try hard" then so be it. At least I try and work hard. That should be encouraged and not laughed at...

Again, my apologies, for I digress.

I did win outstanding French awards for my grade for two years in French. So I guess, looking past all those disgusting gossip, she was a good teacher in her own right.

Finally, the man that I mentioned earlier, that ties with Mrs. Warkentin as the best teacher I've ever had, is my math teacher, Mr. Mulleny. I'm having a sort of deja-vu here. I feel like I've talked about this before, but I shall continue anyway, because he deserves the praise. Like I said before, math wasn't always my strongest suit. Though I've always done exceptionally well in math in terms of grades... it wasn't really my interest. That changed when I was in grade eleven... I had jumped a grade in math because I took it in summer school, so by the time when grade ten rolled around, I was in grade eleven math. I remember my friends walking me to my class because I was scared. I didn't know anyone since it's a grade higher. I was the first one there and I sat in my seat, the same seat that I would sit for the next two years. I'll get there. Anyway, it was pretty intimidating at first, but I got comfortable in that class because of Mr. Mulleny. He is a teacher that cares. He truly, truly cares. And that's rare, even amongst people! When you have a question, he will help you until you understand it. He explains everything so well and makes you unafraid of asking questions, something which is very, very important in learning. He has a nice sense of humour and you can just tell he's a very good person. When he had his first child (well, not him, his wife), you can tell just how good of a father he will be. He dotes on them (he has two last time I heard... or maybe more, I don't know, lol) and he has their pictures all over his corner of the classroom. He's always been super kind to me, encouraging, and giving me the motivation to be better. I had him again for Math 12, which was a treat. Then again when I retook Math 12 (no, I didn't fail) because I had two spare blocks and my counsellor said I can try to improve upon the mark that I had. When I entered his classroom for the third year in a row, he asked me, "What are you doing here?" I told him that I was retaking Math 12 to improve my grades. And he was like, "But you got an A+."

Lol.

He then proceeded to tell the class, as it started, to try hard because I was here, trying even harder. I didn't mind being there at all. I loved his class. Though I must mention one incident where I got angry at him for the first time ever. And the only time ever... It was when we were learning about quadratics and inverse graphs... I struggled a bit with the inverse subject because there was no clear segue between the topics and it confused me (I like it when there's a flow). And I remember asking him to explain to me better... and then angrily asking him (because I was frustrated with it), why any of this has to do with anything?! I regretted it. But I think he understands. I hope he did anyway.

I wrote to him a couple of years ago, asking him for a reference for the volunteer tutor position at the Toronto Public Library that I wanted to get. He immediately said yes and wrote me a touching note. He was very, very nice with what he wrote in his commendations (so I've been told). He said in his letter to me that he hopes that I can visit him when I get back and that I was kind for volunteering my time to help kids with their schoolwork. He also said that he wishes more of the students he has, were more like me. I can't help but feel so utterly touched. Oh and I forgot to say. It was because of him that I managed to earn some pocket cash by tutoring in high school. He recommended me a lot to his students in the lower grades. My mom said that students kept calling me for help even after I went to university...

Just like it was with Mrs. Warkentin, Mr. Mulleny was a great, influential figure in my life. I will never, ever forget them, for as long as I live. And I am speechless at my great fortune to have had them as my teachers, and for a long period of time as well. I would not have had the academic success I had, if not for them. They pushed me in the right direction and helped me when I needed it the most. They cared as if I am their own child. You can't ask for better teachers...

I haven't encountered any teachers like them when I was in university. Granted, since there are so many students in each course. There is one, however, that I think comes close. His name is Mr. Warley. He was my professor for my ENG444 seminar class on Donne. He reinvigorated my whole love for reading and writing. He taught me how to read and write again.

There were times when he made me extremely uncomfortable in class, such as making me talk, or sitting really close to me (we sat in mobile desks in a circle) to the point that our desks overlapped, but he's brilliant. He also made us go see him individually to talk about our papers. The readings in his class were pretty hard, but it was strangely enjoyable. He encouraged me to really get into my thesis and pushed me in my writing so I can get my idea as persuasive and flawless as possible. And for that, I am eternally grateful.

Anyway, that about ends my post on the most influential teachers in my life. I cannot emphasize just how important these people are in my life. Thank you, teachers.

January 10, 2014

Koala Thief!

This one has been on my list for a long time...
Just a homage to one of my favourite video games ever.

January 9, 2014

The Arsonists

Men with twisted minds
Haunt me in my dreams
They are strangers 
With familiar faces
Setting fire to my feet.
The glowing in their eyes 
Reveals a delight
At my inability to leave.
The smoke clouds my eyes,
As I whispered, "Why?"
Forgetting who I'm supposed to be.
They watch as I burn,
A proud accomplishment,
And whisper back,
"Stay here, and be like me."